Relationships
Bring breakthroughs to how you relateStart Shaping Your New Life Today
The Importance of Relationships
It goes without saying that relationships are the most important part of being human. It is through relating to others that we find satisfaction and fulfilment in life, for, as the cliche says, “No (wo)man is an island!’. Breakthrough therapy and coaching is particularly effective with transforming all sorts of relationships – not just the romantic kind! When you take a close look you will see that relationships and relating are at the heart of everything we do, and we can accomplish very little without the help, support or just acquiesence of others.
We look at the most important relationships in your life, not just those with your family, but those with your friends, work colleagues and even people in your community. Bringing breakthroughs to all your relationships truly enhances your peace and freedom.
The Most Important Relationship of All
One of the most well worn set of cliches focus on the need to ‘love yourself’. And it’s true. If you can’t love yourself, then you can’t truly love another, but many of my clients don’t actually know what it means or how to actually ‘do’ it. I have sympathy with that. Self-esteem and self-worth are precious things, yet they are easily impacted by the ups and downs of life. Childhood traumas and hurts can seem to have a major impact too, leaving us telling ourselves ‘I’m not good enough’ when we reach adulthood.
Breakthrough therapy and coaching can make a dramatic difference to the way you see yourself. Self-love starts with stopping beating yourself up over the things you think you have got wrong, or haven’t done, or the hurts you think you have caused or the guilt you feel about incidents in the past. There is often quite a catalogue of ‘stuff’ that we berate ourselves with. It moves on to making amends where you need to and letting go of self-limiting ideas and beliefs. Finally it flows naturally from taking responsibility for yourself and your life and creating new ways of seeing yourself and others. As you can imagine, this can be quite a journey!
It often happens that much of what drives our relationships with others is based on how we relate to ourselves. If we think we are not good enough, then either we think that everyone is better than us (which may make us subservient or a ‘door mat’) or we think that others are not good enough either. This leads to us never being able to ‘see’ how the other person really is and limits our ability to relate to them fully with an open heart. Judgement and criticism closes hearts.
All of my clients learn to transform their relationship with themselves as the fundamental grounding for living the life they love. Even if their self-esteem is pretty good, there is always another level.
Bringing in ‘The One’
This is possibly the number one priority of most of my single clients. Finding the man or woman of their dreams is of key importance, and when things don’t go as planned can cause the most deeply felt upset and hurt. “What’s wrong with me?” is one of the most heartfelt questions they want answered. The truth of course, is that there is nothing wrong with them, but nor is it simply a question of ‘luck’ either.
Most of my clients who want to find a true partner find that there are certain attitudes and beliefs, that often they don’t even know they have, that are getting in the way of their success in the love stakes. Many of the attitudes and beliefs have been inherited from their family or previous generations. Finding out what these blocks are and releasing them is one of the things that breakthrough therapy and coaching is really good at!
Couples Therapy
I work with many couples to strengthen and deepen their relationship. Many times they come to me on the verge of breakup, but the fact that they come at all is often the first breakthrough! Sometimes it is appropriate that they split up, and working with me makes that as painless as possible. Mostly though, they restore their love and affinity for one another and are able to take their relationship to a whole new level of intimacy and relatedness.
Often the source of difficulty in long-term relationships is that people stop seeing each other as living, breathing beings and start to relate to each other as fixed ‘objects’. What this means is that over time they make assumptions about who and what the other person is like and what they will say and do in a range of situations. Imagine living with someone who doesn’t talk to you because they think they already know exactly what you are going to say. The lifeblood of the relationship – communication – dies away leaving you with ‘the same old, same old’ conversations. Little wonder that if you’re in this type of relationship you end up feeling bored, lonely, ignored or misunderstood!
In our breakthrough therapy and coaching sessions we tackle this kind of relating head on. As a result, a lot of my clients are amazed to find out what their partner actually thinks! One funny example was a woman discovering that her husband actually liked red wine. “I always thought he hated it,” she told me, but it turned out he’d had a period just after they were married where he thought it upset his stomach so he avoided it. He’d always loved red wine and drank it when he went out with his mates. He laughed as he said “I thought she didn’t like it – since she never bought any!”. This type of little misunderstanding tends not to harm relationships, but there are far bigger and more serious assumptions that will. We go to work on discovering what these are and once they are released clients report that they feel like they need to get to know each other again. In a sense they do!
How Do I know If Therapy & Coaching is Right For Me?
It’s good to have questions about whether this will work for you. Here are our Frequently Asked Questions.
What if it doesn't work for me?
If you approach it with an open mind and heart you will get results. Occassionally I am unable to help someone generate significant breakthroughs in their life and if this happens rest assured I will stop the therapy and suggest other people who may be able to help you. Ultimately it’s in your own hands. The tools and techniques have worked for thousands of people and there is no reason for them not to work for you!
Is there any type of problem this is not suitable for?
This type of work is not suitable for people who suffer from severe mental illnesses that require ongoing medication such as psychosis, bi-polar and severe personality disorders. It is likely that if you have these type of illnesses that you are already receiving treatment from medical professionals. Of course, if a medical professional refers you to me then I am happy to work with you.
How long will it take?
How long it takes is totally dependent on your own process. Some people are able to move quickly and others are more comfortable taking things slowly. You will normally notice things starting to change after two or three sessions. The changes may not be dramatic, but over time you will notice an apprecable difference. If you remain ‘stuck’ after a few weeks of us working together, we will discuss this and see explore what we need to do next. This may include me refering you to someone else.
Is what we talk about confidential?
Absolutely. My Code of Practice and Ethics requires that everything we say and do together is completely confidential. As we are working online together, it is important that you make sure you are in a safe place, out of sight of prying ears and eyes when you are talking to me. If, for some reason, you are unable to concentrate on our session because you can’t find a private space, we can reschedule. However, you will be liable for the cost of the session as it is your responsbility to make sure you are in an appropriate environment.
What happens if nothing changes in my life?
This is a common worry. It can seem almost impossible that a difficult situation or relationship can change simply by talking about it. However, part of what I do is to monitor your progress, and if you seem stuck we will work through that. One of the reasons people get stuck is that they are unwilling to change their minds about themselves and others. Fundamental to successful therapy and coaching is an open mind and heart. It may take a little work to get to that, but it’s my job to support you with it. Sometimes the most successful outcomes happen for people who were initially very stuck!